The Nanny Rules

On childcare, trust, and the woman who has been part of our family for 34 years

The subject of nannies came up in the comments the other day. Someone asked how we decide which childcare responsibilities to keep for ourselves and which to hand off—how our schedule actually works, and who does what.

It’s one of those subjects people are curious about but rarely discuss honestly. Childcare is practical, financial, and logistical. But it’s also emotional. In the best case, your child’s nanny becomes one of the central relationships in your family life. I interviewed our nanny, Angie, for this piece so you could hear both perspectives, and included our collective advice at the end.

Angie grew up near Enniscorthy in Wexford, Ireland—one foot still in the 19th century. No heat, no running water. Her mother had eight children (three sets of twins and two singles), cooked over an open fire, and gave them a bath once a week in a big tub that was, by Angie’s description, a concerning shade of gray by the time the littlest had a turn. (Being the baby of the family had its drawbacks.) Water came from a creek halfway down a bog, fetched by Angie and her siblings in buckets. It sounds like something out of a Hardy novel—but every word is true.

The stories, wisdom and humor from that Irish family have been a direct line into our own.